Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
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