I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
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