Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
