That's intense
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
