Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
