girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
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