dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
