why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
His nipple licking is glorious
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