If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
