I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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