I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
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