I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
