God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
