I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Randomize
