guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
