Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
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