He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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