And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
he was CRYING into my vagina
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Randomize
