My balls are so social today.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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