I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
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