there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
