She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
