Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
