Please don't use social media to get back at me.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
