You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
