Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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