Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
