Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Randomize
