When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Randomize
