Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
