She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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