if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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