If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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