my phone needs a breathalizer
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
organizing the empties. That sober.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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