How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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