I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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