cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
