i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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