I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
