Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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