I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
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