i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Randomize
