Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
