Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
