she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
My balls are so social today.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
