Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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