Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
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