there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
