I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
In America we eat man semen.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I'm bleeding and have questions
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
