im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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