This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
