I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
