anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
