So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
A bitchslap is in order.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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