UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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