Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
