don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I love you.
Bad choice
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