youre lurking in front of me
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
