it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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