Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
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