nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
