I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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