My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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