He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
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