The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
