just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Dear god my vagina.
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