so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Pants are for mortals
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
