doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
