i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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