I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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