he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
