I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
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