There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
