I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
