Just took my morning after pill in the library
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Randomize
