I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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