"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Randomize
