96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Drake has all the answers
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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