You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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