SEEEEXXX PLEASE
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize