Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
