Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Randomize
