they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
That was before I lit my hair on fire
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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