they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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