The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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