There is no way he is gay with that hair.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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