I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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