you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
