I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
