it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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