Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
