Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
