For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
