dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
