found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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