32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
