Redeem this text for a blowjob
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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