Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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