You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
he thought i was a dude.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
