I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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