: south campus drug res life name erik. Love, tran
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
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