Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
