i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
17 year olds will be the death of me.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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