dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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