I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Randomize
