I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize