I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
She needs sedatives and a leash
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
