Do you still have your period?
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
