Screwed.edu
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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