OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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