Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
