ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
PS: I just woke up from my shower
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize