Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
