Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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